GOOD NEWS!

So yesterday afternoon I finally got a call from Dr. Inculet's office. I have an appointment (finally) at the London Regional Cancer Centre. April 8th, 2010 with Dr. Chin-Yee. PROGRESS!
i cant wait ti know what he has to tell me. learn more about my disease and finally start on the road back to work!

Holy Crap!

Could this take any longer? I have YET to hear from oncology. WTF?!
on a side note, my hip is still out. This is seven weeks. It's painful. I need to see my chiropractor but alas, no money to do so. maybe my mother will pay for it. I will ask. Keira's mom has been fantastic and been trying to help me with my hip issue via massage therapy. I wonder why it just wont let loose?!

I had an amazing weekend full of friends and absolute yumminess!! OMG! haha
first, friday Danielle came up from chatham and we went to revolution in waterloo with Melissa T and her cousin Terri. We had a blast! left a little early, but I danced my fanny off. Danielle stayed the night and we both won a coffee with roll up the rim at tim hortons on our way home from the way. woo! go us!
Saturday afternoon I met with Aaron K. Was nice to see him again and catch up. He's quite concerned about me which was a surprise. He surprises me all the time though, genuine guy he is. Then off to Tyrone's place. Watched some movies, took in his absolute deliciousness (did I mention aaron is quite delicious himself?) and off to home I went after that. trust me, I was FULL from a day of GORGEOUS people. MM MM! haha!
Sunday, my best friend in the entire world came for a visit. I love sarah. We got my car fixed by maciek, met his friend Dominic, and then visited with P and ashley and tori. P is very sore without her shoes on, I am glad she is doing the conversion at ashley's. My heart breaks seeing how uncomfortable she is. She was a doll though and sarah rode her too. I wanted to get pics but alas, we forgot. Got home, chatted some more before sarah left and then Amanda R showed up. went for coffee, caught up. Thanks for the coffee Amanda.
like, honestly? great weekend.
Hope yours was just as wonderful!

like the mountains of the rockies, i am up and down...

I felt like a baby again last night. Awake, asleep, awake, asleep, awake, asleep. The night sweats are getting to the point they are waking me up and making it almost impossible to sleep because they are uncomfortable. Kind of disgusting to think that I am often stirred in my sleep because I feel something crawling across my stomach... turns out that "something" is beads of sweat rolling across my body.

I woke up around 4 AM this morning and was unable to get back to sleep. I decided to go and chase the sunrise. I landed myself at holy cross cemetery in paris. So happens that an old friend of mine's mother is laid to rest there. I remembered how gorgeous the view was when I went with him to take flowers to his mother. There is a fresian breeder not far from there. Maybe I will go take photos of them later. It was interesting to watch the city wake up. how the bustle gets faster and faster and yet more congested.

I am going to attempt to add the photos to the blog this morning. Wish me luck! I have yet to do something technological on the mac. love my mac, but it's confusing sometimes. Thanks goodness for Vince Angeloni. My saviour when it comes to this laptop. I know nothing about apple products.

So back to this hidden disease. Apparently itching is a symptom of the disease. Anyone who knows me will know that I have had a constant un-itchable itch for quite some time now. so itchy I often scratched myself until I bled. I wonder if I had seen a doctor when this first started to occur if I would have been diagnosed earlier? probably not. It would likely have been accounted to my water (like I had thought), or allergies, or, or , or!

I've grabbed some statistics for you guys from the leukemia/lymphoma society. I thought they may be of interest.

Hodgkin's disease is rare. only about 8,500 cases reported last year in the united states. Of that 8,500 cases, it is estimated that 1,300 sufferers will die.

only about 12% of people with hodgkin's will be diagnosed when they are under the age of 20, 32% diagnosed between 20-34.

The most affected race is caucasian.

Approximately 15% of sufferers between the ages of 20-34 die of the disease.

only 1 in 437 people will be diagnosed with hodgkin's lymphoma in their lifetime.

interesting.

On a side note, I think I've found a new drink at starbucks. HELLO carmel apple spice. YUM!

lets look into the surgical pathology!

so, seeing as no doctor has contacted me yet I am doing more research on my own. According to my Surgical Pathology Report my diagnosis is Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma, Nodular sclerosis subtype. So here is some information about this particular subtype of hodgkin's.Nodular sclerosis Hodgkin's disease (NSHD) is the most common subtype of HD and accounts for 65% to 80% of all cases. It tends to occur in adolescents and young adults (under 50 years), and it is the only form of HD that strikes more women than men. The disease typically arises in the lymph nodes of the chest and other sites above the diaphragm, the large abdominal muscle that controls breathing. Bulky tumor growth may occur in the mediastinum (organs and tissues of the middle chest) and it may spread to the tissues of the lungs. Many NSHD patients are diagnosed with Stage 2 disease.

interesting huh?

wait until the cows come home

March 24, 2010 12:30PM: I find myself at a loss for what to do. I called the cancer centre today at victoria hospital and I have yet to be referred to them. What the hell is taking so long? It is not like I have a cold, or a sore arm (ha ha!) I have CANCER. A serious, often times FATAL disease. Really? free health care is great but it would be nice if they worked a little faster.

I have realized lately that my life has been blessed with many good friends. So many people have reached out to me it's incredible. Just monday my fantastic and beautiful hairdresser dyed my hair at no charge. A service I would normally pay around $100 for. She's excited to do hair tattoos when it comes time to shave my hair off. She is very confident that I will still be beautiful sans hair. I find it a little hard to believe. I love my hair... I am scared about it falling out. I know it doesn't define me, but I definitely think hair is a part of being feminine, beautiful, bold. I often use it for expression. I am less afraid of dying than I am of losing my hair. Stupid, huh?

Since I have yet to speak with the lymphoma specialist at Victoria Hospital I have been researching the disease on my own. I do not know what stage I am in and I know that a second CT scan will need to be performed as they only have a picture of my chest cavity. Lymphoma is a blood cancer, so it's not so odd to find myself with it as my biological (asshole) father is currently living with leukaemia. It is highly curable, so that is a bit of a relief. I am so scared I will fall behind financially. STD simply does not provide enough income for a single person who has little family to rely on.

I have recently spawned the idea of starting a photographic chronicle of the disease and my life after. I want to pack my pony up, along with my roomie's pony and drive across this beautiful country of ours. taking photos, and living with the land. I think it would be incredible. I want to attempt to get sponsorship from companies so it costs very little to do this and i would definitely want a job waiting for me at my destination. Come to think of it, does anyone know of cancer survivors who have been discriminated against when looking for a job during remission? I know the lab has a position waiting for me, but maybe I don't belong there? who knows.

Good news of the week: I rode big P yesterday. I love that horse. there is not way, so long as I can help it, that she will ever be taken from me again. She is my soul mate. My best friend.

I am sitting in starbucks in cambridge right now waiting for GORGEOUS miss alex to finish grooming Mr. Budweiser. He stinks. Since he enjoys sleeping in my bed with me at night, I needed to get the stench taken care of.

So what do you all think of this book idea? do you think there is a market for it? Would you read it?

What a Pain in My... Arm?

Where did this blog idea come from I bet you all are asking... Well, often times I have been told by numerous people that I should write a story about my life. This blog is not my life in a nutshell, but a recent life-changing diagnosis that was the last thing on my mind a little over a month ago. Let me tell you how it all started....

Feb 9, 2010, 6:00 AM: My alarm clock has been going off for 25 minutes by now, on five minute intervals. I finally drag my ass out of bed to find myself with excruciating right shoulder pain. Pain like i have never felt before in my life, and trust me, I have felt many-a-pains. I brush it off and account it to a pinched nerve and go to work anyway. Work all day, go home. Milk that night and can barely keep up as my arm is so sore! continue to blame pinched nerve and ignore my body. Even though at this point the pain has been radiating down my arm as well as into my chest.

Feb 10, 11:00 AM: I have been at work since 6:30 AM and my shoulder pain has gotten increasingly more severe to the point of tears. Everyone expresses their concern, insist i need to see a doctor, but being my stubborn-ass self i try to work through the pain. By noon i can no longer deal with it and ask my team leader assistant if I can make a quick phone call. I call my chiropractor and see if she can fit me in ASAP. She tells me if I can leave right away, she can fit me in her schedule in five minutes. I get permission to leave and go to chiropractors, barely able to shift the gears in "betty" (my '04 lancer). Dr. Meyers begins to do her treatment on me. When she lays me onto my back i suddenly cannot breathe. She sits me up and gives me the third degree on overworking my body because I was working three jobs at approximately 77 hours a week. She tells me I need to go to the hospital, its not normal to not be able to breathe when you lay on your back. I pay for my session, get into my car and proceed to call my boss to inform him i will not be returning to work, but going straight to woodstock general hospital. immediately concerned he asks if i need someone to take me, need help, etc etc etc. again my stubborn self rears its ugly head and resists any sort of help. I drive myself over to woodstock general hospital with the pain now radiating through my chest as well, park illegally and admit myself to emergency. Now it gets interesting...

The triage nurse starts to take my vitals and questions me as to extreme dizziness or ill feeling. ??? no...?? my ARM HURTS.... "well your heart rate is about twice what it should be, we need to get you stabilized" ... stabilized??? MY ARM HURTS!! not my heart, my arm!

Feb 10, 2010 4:30PM: I am returning from receiving a chest x-ray, and now the nurse wants to stick a needle in my ass for pain. grrreat.... not! the doctor then enters the room and says he wants to just take a "look around" to see where the pain is coming from. He starts up an ultrasound machine and proceeds to take a look at my abdomen. Every time he runs the ultrasound handle down my right side of my stomach it sends sharp pain through my chest. WHAT is going on?! not finding anything via an ultrasound he asks me to sit in the hall as there is another patient who needs my bed and I am unable to lay down now due to the pain in my chest/arm. EE GAD! while waiting in the hall, said doctor then returns and asks me very warily "has anyone young in your family spontaneously died?" ... ummm... WHAT? no... not to my knowledge and I certainly hope I am not the first! he then tells me that he's not sure what he sees on the x-ray but it concerns him and he's sending me to london to have a cat scan and see a cardiac surgeon. They take blood, get me on a stretcher, put THREE IV's in and as we are waiting for the paramedics to arrive i call me boss and ask him if he can come move my car that is illegally parked seeing as no one knows how to drive a manual vehicle. Automatically I put him into a panic but he moves my car for me anyway and off to london I go!

Feb 9, 2010 6:00PM: i arrive at london hospital, more blood is taken my IV drips are changed and i am bombarded with questions, rushed up to CT and i am asked to eat this thick white jello-type substance that tastes like bad tapioca. My CT scan is taken of my chest cavity and I meet with the cardiac surgeon in the hall. Surgeon: "well, good news is your aorta is not split and bleeding so you wont be requiring any emergency surgery tonight. bad news? your aorta is enlarged. Do you experience night sweats? fatigue?" Me:"well, yes. but I work three jobs so i am always tired and I think i sweat at night because of my sheets" doctor:"well, you have a sizeable tumour in your chest that is pressing down on your lungs and heart." WOW!! ok... umm... what now? Doctor:"you're going to require a biopsy of that. we'll send a refferal to a thoracic surgeon and get you on your way."

OK. So at this point I am going "my arm hurt... wtf is going on?" strange... unexpected. They send me back to woodstock at 1 AM and woodstock discharges me around 8. my boss comes to pick me up and return me to my car. Now the waiting begins....

Feb 12, 2010 9:00AM: my GP's office calls me. my chest pain has increased and moved through my shoulder blade. Dr. Sprowl wants me to come in asap. I have an appointment that afternoon. i go in to see him, he asks questions, gets angry with the service i received and and starts to make phone calls.

Feb 19, 2010: a week later. still no information. I am taking percocets every day to maintain the pain. not cool. start making phone calls.

Feb 21, 2010: I finally get through to someone. i have an appointment with Dr inculet, a thoracic surgeon, for a preoperative exam.

Feb 24, 2010: I visit with dr inculet and he wants to do surgery ASAP. the size and mass of the tumour in my chest is concerning. he sends me for my pre-op work (MORE needles!) and tells me he will try to have my surgery early the next week.

Feb 26, 2010: I receive a call from dr inculet's assistant. I am scheduled in for surgery at 8am Tuesday, march 2nd 2010. I must arrive at Victoria hospital for 6 AM. ugh...

Mar 2, 2010, 6:00AM: I. Am. So. TIRED! i get into Victoria Hospital and when all is said and done I am ready for surgery at about 7:30AM. after a few more needles and IV's. did I mention I HATE NEEDLES?! 8:00 AM i am moved to surgery, and put under. i wake up a few hours later in a haze and strangely know the nurses name... emily... very weird. my neck HURTS. it's amazing how a little incision can hurt so bloody much! by 12:30PM I am discharged and mother and I proceed to tim hortons, get meds, and stop at my work to give them an update. now it's a waiting game.

Mar 16, 2010: I was so tired of calling and calling and calling and receiving no answers that I had my doctors office call the surgeon, have the pathology report faxed over and make a copy for me. turns out I have hodgkin's Lymphoma. WTF is that? well my friends, that's a blood cancer that affects people between 15-35 usually. most common treatment is chemotherapy. FUN STUFF.