Fashionably Late

Boy, I haven't updated this thing in ages huh?

Last real update was my second treatment... That was several months ago! hmm... I think I might need a swift kick in the ass to keep updating this thing as per-usual.

My life hasn't changed much really. I shaved my head and look less lesbian. I guess that's not such a bad thing?

My Treatments are getting harder and harder to cope with though. I've been vomiting a lot and just the thought of Chemo turns my stomach, along with many other things such as red meat, smells, sounds....

I am supposed to get a PICC line on tuesday, then I will have treatment on Thursday. I am not looking forward to either one. I have my CT scan on September 1st though, so I will finally find out how long it is I will be receiving the Chemo.

I met with my Radiologist at my last treatment. I will be receiving radiation one a day for five days straight for a total of four weeks. They are going to go all down from my neck to my diaphragm and do some to my right lung. I will have to start screening for breast cancer around the age of 35 because the radiation can cause other types of cancer further down the line. Seems almost pointless to get the radiation in the first place if that's the case!! I'd rather have Hodgkin's than breast cancer... *sigh*

Precious got a pair of front shoes on thursday. She is quite happy with them and already I notice a difference in the way she moves. She also had a chiropractor adjust her a few weeks ago and she's still receiving bowen ever other week. I am interested in trying bowen for myself just to get a general idea of how P is benefitting from it.

Side Note: Carey Hart (Pink's Husband) had GORGEOUS veneers. I want them. wait, I want veneers period. I think they're so pretty...

It's about time!

I have been tardy on my blog updates. Apologies everyone! I'm a busy girl.... ya, that's right.

Life hasn't changed much. Still need expensive pills, still trying to keep occupied and play with my pony on a regular basis. Good news, she's feeling MUCH better. As she exhibited while jumping/bucking/bolting around. Silly horse.

I chopped my hair off... Like, really chopped it off. Have a somewhat faux-hawk thing going on. Definitely look like my brother. EW. My hair was falling out rapidly and it was so bloody hot, I needed it off. It was a good choice. Just takes a lot of getting used to. I miss my long, hot hair! But hey, fresh start right? literally.

My co-workers at the lab did some more fantastic things. They stock my cupboard so much much non-perishable food items that I am pretty sure I can take care of the entire road for a week or two if there is ever a natural disaster. Thanks guys!

Fight One, Round Two

So I went for my second treatment about a week ago. I've been a little lazy when it comes to updates so I will apologize here.

My mom took me to my treatment this go-round... My god she's irritating. Of course they had to be WAY behind (3.5 hours to be exact) so I had to spend something like 10 agonizing hours with her. BLAH! don't want to do that again. She talks to the nurses about shit they don't even care about.

Anyway, aside from nearly pulling my hair out the entire time, it went OK I suppose. My neutrophils are super low (supposed to be around 1.5 and I believe the doc said I am at 0.4) I had a choice to get treated with Neupogen and wait until the following week for treatment or go ahead with treatment and join a clinical study. I chose the cheaper route of get treatment anyway! The cancer centre closes up at 6PM. I was, of course, still sitting in the Chemo Suite receiving the last, and most painful drug (decarbazine) and the nurses were in a bit of a tiff because they "close at six". Well I'm sorry lady but guess what? NOT MY PROBLEM. THIS DRUG IS PAINFUL. MY comfort far exceeds your lack of patience. So suck it up and turn my decarbazine down. NOW. Thank you.

They gave me a new drug for my nausea.... These ones work really well, but holy crap they are EXPENSIVE!! 20 pills cost 250$.... EEK! My mom paid for it. I'll have to pay her back when the insurance company pays me. Hopefully I don't have to refill TOO often.

My side effects have been a little more irritating/painful this time. My nausea was under control, and my fatigue was alright. The mouth pain kicked in Saturday and is still lingering today. it starts as an all over mouth ache, and it get deep into my jaw and that's where it sits lingering. A friend who works at a pharmacy spoke with the oncological pharmacist and apparently the deep pain is not normal. So I am going to have to talk to my Oncologist about it next thursday. I've also had deep ear aching and sat/sun I have massive breast swelling. Like, these babies were large and hard. hurt like a mother ****er!! They've since gone down but wowzer! I've also had sporadic chest/heart pain and soreness around my IV site. All must be discussed with the docs. BLAH!

Other than all the side effects crap I have been trying to keep busy. playing with my pony, cleaning... I haven't walked the dog in a while. I know.. I am terrible.

Dearest Toad:

I would like to send my greatest condolences to the Toad family. I took Mr. Toad's life with the lawn tractor on Monday. I am gravely apologetic...

I swear, I haven't been this stressed ever in my life. I think I've cried about six times today. Why do I have to be sick? WHY ME?

I talked to a woman yesterday who had the same staging/treatment regime as I will be receiving. She told me that when all was said and done she had spent FOURTY-SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS on medication. Are you freaking kidding me?! I can't afford that. My work only covers up to 5000$ a year... I just want to stop now. I want to stop worrying about how I am going to make rent, and pay for groceries. My insurance on my car went up: if I want to drive insured it's going to cost me 199.68 a month. Seriously? like, seriously? FML AND I have a good record!!

I never thought i'd ever say this again in my life (I was once in a very dark place) but I really, REALLY, REALLY.... REALLY HATE MY LIFE. If it wasn't for "P" I don't know what I would do. That horse has saved my life too many times. But now she's mysteriously head shy. my life sucks. For all who ever wished to be me, DON'T.

Anyone have the winning lotto numbers for me?

FML.

The end.

Can you say, Side Effects?

Oh my... I am SO incredibly tired... all the time... doesn't matter what I do, where I go, what I eat. Just constantly tired. How are you supposed to have a life like this? all I want to do is lay down, all the time. But I can't always sleep.

I've been waking up ridiculously early every day (4:30-6AM) and lay there watching the room spin. I've found my nausea is the worst first thing in the morning. I feel like if I move a muscle I am going to vomit. So I usually pop one of my anti-nausea pills first thing in the morning. I keep it in the armoire right beside my bed so i don't have to move far. I also take my gout medication at the same time.

My cough isn't any better. I almost vomit a few time a day just from coughing. I am really surprised they still treated me. We will see if I can overcome this cold or if they will have to give me more meds.

My ears have been aching too. Going to have to record this in my journal for the doctor.

Side note: I brought P home yesterday. I am so happy I did. I missed her too much. We went for a little hack today and she had me hysterically laughing. For some strange reason she was moving in slow motion. LOL I actually had to use spurs to get her to move on. She's too funny. She took care of me. I love my pony, She's amazing.

And So The Journey Begins

Ah, the post you have all been waiting for. The results of my very first day as a chemotherapy patient at LRCP.

Well, my morning started off with a screaming alarm clock at 7AM... this being after I stayed up until 3:30AM playing with my new ipod. HEHE! procrastinating to see if I could make today disappear. It didn't work.

Mr. Reggie Robins picked my sorry ass up at 8AM and took me over to Sarah Hern's house in woodstock. She was ready with snacks for both of us. I drove her neon to the appointment and we managed to get there in due time.

Had blood work done as soon as I got there, filled out my kiosk (it asks a bunch of questions to help the doctors gauge your well-being) and waited to meet with my primary nurse, Nancy, and my Oncologist who is supposed to be Dr. Chin-Yee but yet again I met with a doctor I had never met before. Bright side? he was cute! with FANTASTIC teeth. me = jealous.

FINALLY got some of my questions answered. I am in stage 3B advanced bulky H.L. They are going to do six-eight rounds (12-16 treatments, two a month for 6-8 months) give me six weeks of recovery the approximately 4 weeks of radiation treatment. At best, i will be back to work in 8 months, but most likely looking at 12-14 months before I am able to work again. BLAH! this sucks. :(

Doctor gave me notes I required for my tax relief application, gave me a prescription to prevent gout and addressed all of my concerns. He assured me that I WILL lose my hair, especially with how vigorous this treatment is. mohawk here I come! ;) He sent me over to chemotherapy reception with some forms and I signed myself in. While sitting, and attempting to wait patiently the sweats kicked in, the nerves hit the roof. I wanted to go home. I asked Sarah on several occasions if I could just go home. I didn't want to walk into a room, stick out my arm and willingly let some nurse poison me. Are you joking?!

Sure enough my pager went off long before I could convince Sarah it was time to go. A really nice RN named Haley met me at the doorway to hell... I couldn't turn back now. As Rodney Atkins says "If you're going through hell, keep on going. Don't look back, if you're scared don't show it! you might get out 'fore the devil even knows you're there!" I grumped my way over to my bed, looking around me as I went... I must have been the youngest person there by 20 years at best. I felt like a child.

Haley was really great with me. Giving me lots of time to prepare for my IV, warming my arm up. Seemed genuinely interested in what I do for a living and just a general nice person. She went over all the medications with me. And OFF we were. First, "the red devil" AKA Adriamycin. It came in a rather large syringe and was force fed into my IV.

Next up: Viznblastine. This came in a considerably smaller syringe, but also needed to be force fed. those two were done in no time, next two are your wait time.

Next: Bleomycin. It's a small bag that is dripped directly into my vein. When the drip is complete and alarm goes off and they flush my vein with saline.

Last, but certainly not least: Dastardly Dacarbazine. It's a much large bag that comes out and needs to drip for anywhere from 1 - 2 hours depending on what your veins can handle. Dacarbazine is very irritating to the vein so they have to splice it with Saline. This was the only drug that caused me any grief. It felt like someone was ripping at the inside of my veins. The had to reduce the dosage twice before it was comfortable. ICK.

In the mean time I've found cards to be great at passing the time. Sarah and I played a few rounds of crazy eights and a few of Go-Fish. I had the Pod on me and in general the experience really wasn't that bad. Not what I had anticipated anyway. The needles still suck, but I think they will always suck. I can feel that my body wants to feel ill but I continually take my anti-nausea pills they prescribed for me. I think I will be ok... For now. We will see how I feel tomorrow.

I am going to try to attach the photos from the day.

Where's the "easy" button?

WOAH WOAH WOAH!

My life has suddenly launched into fast forward and I am totally not ready for this....

I get a call from LRCP today...

"Hi, may I please speak to Melissa?"

"This is."

"Hi, this is Dr. Chin-Yee's office calling with some appointments for you"

"Umm.. I had a call from Dr. Lohmann's office yesterday with a few appointments..."

"Yes, some adjustments have been made. The doctors want you to start treatment immediately. So you have your CT scan tomorrow afternoon, then we need you to be at LRCP Thursday the 20th at 9:30 AM for blood work, then you will meet with doctor Lohmann AND doctor Chin-Yee at 10:15 AM and then we are going to send you over for treatment at 11:30AM. "

"....oh... Ok.... Uh... Does that mean I will need a driver?"

"yes. Thanks Melissa, we will see you next week."

AHHH!

I don't want to go.... Does anyone want to go for me? I had asked Sarah to come with me next week thinking I would only be going over treatment plans etc. She can't drive standard so she can't drive me home. AHH AHH

Where is the "easy" button?!?!?!