wait until the cows come home

March 24, 2010 12:30PM: I find myself at a loss for what to do. I called the cancer centre today at victoria hospital and I have yet to be referred to them. What the hell is taking so long? It is not like I have a cold, or a sore arm (ha ha!) I have CANCER. A serious, often times FATAL disease. Really? free health care is great but it would be nice if they worked a little faster.

I have realized lately that my life has been blessed with many good friends. So many people have reached out to me it's incredible. Just monday my fantastic and beautiful hairdresser dyed my hair at no charge. A service I would normally pay around $100 for. She's excited to do hair tattoos when it comes time to shave my hair off. She is very confident that I will still be beautiful sans hair. I find it a little hard to believe. I love my hair... I am scared about it falling out. I know it doesn't define me, but I definitely think hair is a part of being feminine, beautiful, bold. I often use it for expression. I am less afraid of dying than I am of losing my hair. Stupid, huh?

Since I have yet to speak with the lymphoma specialist at Victoria Hospital I have been researching the disease on my own. I do not know what stage I am in and I know that a second CT scan will need to be performed as they only have a picture of my chest cavity. Lymphoma is a blood cancer, so it's not so odd to find myself with it as my biological (asshole) father is currently living with leukaemia. It is highly curable, so that is a bit of a relief. I am so scared I will fall behind financially. STD simply does not provide enough income for a single person who has little family to rely on.

I have recently spawned the idea of starting a photographic chronicle of the disease and my life after. I want to pack my pony up, along with my roomie's pony and drive across this beautiful country of ours. taking photos, and living with the land. I think it would be incredible. I want to attempt to get sponsorship from companies so it costs very little to do this and i would definitely want a job waiting for me at my destination. Come to think of it, does anyone know of cancer survivors who have been discriminated against when looking for a job during remission? I know the lab has a position waiting for me, but maybe I don't belong there? who knows.

Good news of the week: I rode big P yesterday. I love that horse. there is not way, so long as I can help it, that she will ever be taken from me again. She is my soul mate. My best friend.

I am sitting in starbucks in cambridge right now waiting for GORGEOUS miss alex to finish grooming Mr. Budweiser. He stinks. Since he enjoys sleeping in my bed with me at night, I needed to get the stench taken care of.

So what do you all think of this book idea? do you think there is a market for it? Would you read it?