It's about time!

I have been tardy on my blog updates. Apologies everyone! I'm a busy girl.... ya, that's right.

Life hasn't changed much. Still need expensive pills, still trying to keep occupied and play with my pony on a regular basis. Good news, she's feeling MUCH better. As she exhibited while jumping/bucking/bolting around. Silly horse.

I chopped my hair off... Like, really chopped it off. Have a somewhat faux-hawk thing going on. Definitely look like my brother. EW. My hair was falling out rapidly and it was so bloody hot, I needed it off. It was a good choice. Just takes a lot of getting used to. I miss my long, hot hair! But hey, fresh start right? literally.

My co-workers at the lab did some more fantastic things. They stock my cupboard so much much non-perishable food items that I am pretty sure I can take care of the entire road for a week or two if there is ever a natural disaster. Thanks guys!

Fight One, Round Two

So I went for my second treatment about a week ago. I've been a little lazy when it comes to updates so I will apologize here.

My mom took me to my treatment this go-round... My god she's irritating. Of course they had to be WAY behind (3.5 hours to be exact) so I had to spend something like 10 agonizing hours with her. BLAH! don't want to do that again. She talks to the nurses about shit they don't even care about.

Anyway, aside from nearly pulling my hair out the entire time, it went OK I suppose. My neutrophils are super low (supposed to be around 1.5 and I believe the doc said I am at 0.4) I had a choice to get treated with Neupogen and wait until the following week for treatment or go ahead with treatment and join a clinical study. I chose the cheaper route of get treatment anyway! The cancer centre closes up at 6PM. I was, of course, still sitting in the Chemo Suite receiving the last, and most painful drug (decarbazine) and the nurses were in a bit of a tiff because they "close at six". Well I'm sorry lady but guess what? NOT MY PROBLEM. THIS DRUG IS PAINFUL. MY comfort far exceeds your lack of patience. So suck it up and turn my decarbazine down. NOW. Thank you.

They gave me a new drug for my nausea.... These ones work really well, but holy crap they are EXPENSIVE!! 20 pills cost 250$.... EEK! My mom paid for it. I'll have to pay her back when the insurance company pays me. Hopefully I don't have to refill TOO often.

My side effects have been a little more irritating/painful this time. My nausea was under control, and my fatigue was alright. The mouth pain kicked in Saturday and is still lingering today. it starts as an all over mouth ache, and it get deep into my jaw and that's where it sits lingering. A friend who works at a pharmacy spoke with the oncological pharmacist and apparently the deep pain is not normal. So I am going to have to talk to my Oncologist about it next thursday. I've also had deep ear aching and sat/sun I have massive breast swelling. Like, these babies were large and hard. hurt like a mother ****er!! They've since gone down but wowzer! I've also had sporadic chest/heart pain and soreness around my IV site. All must be discussed with the docs. BLAH!

Other than all the side effects crap I have been trying to keep busy. playing with my pony, cleaning... I haven't walked the dog in a while. I know.. I am terrible.

Dearest Toad:

I would like to send my greatest condolences to the Toad family. I took Mr. Toad's life with the lawn tractor on Monday. I am gravely apologetic...

I swear, I haven't been this stressed ever in my life. I think I've cried about six times today. Why do I have to be sick? WHY ME?

I talked to a woman yesterday who had the same staging/treatment regime as I will be receiving. She told me that when all was said and done she had spent FOURTY-SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS on medication. Are you freaking kidding me?! I can't afford that. My work only covers up to 5000$ a year... I just want to stop now. I want to stop worrying about how I am going to make rent, and pay for groceries. My insurance on my car went up: if I want to drive insured it's going to cost me 199.68 a month. Seriously? like, seriously? FML AND I have a good record!!

I never thought i'd ever say this again in my life (I was once in a very dark place) but I really, REALLY, REALLY.... REALLY HATE MY LIFE. If it wasn't for "P" I don't know what I would do. That horse has saved my life too many times. But now she's mysteriously head shy. my life sucks. For all who ever wished to be me, DON'T.

Anyone have the winning lotto numbers for me?

FML.

The end.